When someone experiences some kind of misuse in their adult relationships, there is often the chance that they will identify with one of two outlooks. They can either see that this abuse is a reflection of exactly what took place during their childhood or they can come to the conclusion that their the child years was fine and that it has nothing to do with it.
Within the first example, it is more or less perfectly clear and there is no doubt in any way about where this abuse was first experienced. And as they are certain about it, they can take the steps to deal with that is taking place.
But when it comes to the second example, the whole thing could appear a mystery and not make any sense. This could cause them to feel like a target or that they are just unlucky.
The very first person might then decide to take a look at their history and to work on this. Their intention will be to heal that will happened and to put an end to it once and for all. As for how long this takes can depend on how severe their early misuse was and on the kind of support these people receive, amongst other things.
With them knowing where the abuse initially came from, they will have a target. Knowing where to look and the kind of questions to ask will allow one to do something. As this process continues, they are going to see how their present relationships reflect their childhood relationships.
This will furthermore require that one is completely honest along with themselves. As there could be guilt, shame and fear that will stop them from being able to admit to what occurred.
It can be easy for one to have an idealised image of their mother and father or the other figures around during the time and this can sabotage the whole process; primarily because this will stop someone from embracing the truth and this truth will need to be faced in order for one to heal and move on.
The Unidentified Cause
So when it comes to one coming to the conclusion that their childhood was fine, there is going to be a different approach to healing. 1 might believe that they have no control of who they attract or the type of people they are attracted to; with attraction being a random process.
If they are relatively young, they might go to the conclusion that they will grow out of it and that this is just part of growing up. The contrary sex could also be labelled as being a certain way and that all men or women are identical and can’ t be trusted.
It could also be deposit to them just having low self confidence and confidence issues. So by means of them building themselves up, they are able to move beyond this challenge. With very little being mentioned regarding their childhood and what kind of affect this had on them.
The Next Stage
Therefore one could end a relationship that is abuse and attract another person who will be completely different and that’ s the finish of it. It would then appear as if they have experienced an internal shift.
Or they could end up experiencing the same thing over and over again and end up feeling confused, frustrated, angry and helpless. So they are then stuck and unable to attract the kind of person or people who treat them in the right way.
A Closer Look
However , just because someone has been abused in their childhood, it doesn’ t mean that they can remember this or even want to admit to it. It could also be something that hasn’ t already been recognised as abuse and something which was seen as normal in their family of source.
So this means that you could be in denial and have cut off all of the recollection to their childhood or certain parts, in order to avoid feeling the pain of what took place. And while this allows their mind to maintain their childhood illusions, their body and the people they bring in into their life will tell the actual story.
One also doesn’ capital t need to be someone who experienced extreme misuse in the childhood in order to attract violent people in their later years. All that needs to take place is for one to experience a single off violation or something that jeopardized them in one way or another.
What this then does is create an opening and through this, there is a chance it will get bigger and bigger. What exactly first started off as being fairly insignificant, went on to become something far worse.
This could have been a mother who was critical and controlling or a father who was overprotective and got too close.
What these types of early experiences do is build a tolerance to that kind of behaviour and this is because it is familiar. And what is certainly familiar is what is safe to the self confidence mind; regardless of it is functional or not. So one is then going to end up being drawn to people who remind them of the parents.
And it won’ t matter if this is something that will enhance their life or not. 1 might consciously feel repelled simply by certain behaviour and yet unconsciously these people feel drawn towards it.
Another person might start of as being overprotective or slightly controlling in the beginning. And as time passes, this gradually increases to include abuse that is far worse. The originally experiences made one receptive to this type of behaviour.
When one experiences some kind of violation in their childhood, it is going to end up being an emotional experience and values will also have been formed. And these will need to be dealt with or one is going to recreate the same reality.
These types of trapped feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist or healer. And ones values can be changed in the same way or by means of reading and consciously questioning the actual believe for example.
Prolific writer, believed leader and coach, Oliver JUNIOR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all of the aspects of human transformation; love, relationship, self-love, and inner awareness. Along with several hundred in-depth articles featuring human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “ A Dialogue With The Heart” and “ Communication Made Easy. ”